nyquillis dillwad

i downloaded league of legends out of curiosity yesterday which is how you know my life is really going downhill. after being yelled at by another player for being a total newbie i doubt i'll have much inclination to play again though. tbh i only downloaded it because of the k/da video which shows you just how easily influenced i am by women in cute outfits with magic powers

in real life news, i still really want to change my name. to make a super long story very short, my mom is a narcissist and has been suffering from a neurodegenerative disease for a while, which has naturally led me to have a lot of Deep Thoughts about how my life has been and where it is going (don't worry, i am very definitely actively looking for a therapist). one of those thoughts has been that i straight up, 100%, just do not like my name! fiona is not me, it has never felt like me, and maybe at one point i could have liked it but i would dislike hearing any series of syllables that got yelled at me a lot, so. i am probably going to start going by a different name soonish. maybe melissa? my dad said he would've named me melissa if he'd had a choice in the matter. on tumblr i went by liz because elisabeth is my middle name and i didn't want rl friends/family to find me there, but elisabeth + my last name is too common if i wanted to use it as a stage name when i register for the screen actors guild. i honestly want to use hawke as my last name hahaha 

anyway i'm watching the new jumanji movie and it's fine. might fuck around and watch muppets christmas carol later tonight if i'm feeling festive. how are you all?? tell me what's new